A selection of the finest pieces of English composition ever crafted... if you don't come and read, expect the hit men within 15 minutes.
Bienvenue, Claudius
Published on July 13, 2004 By Teegstar In Home & Family
I'm both sad and excited at the same time. A big thing happened to me today and I'm all a fluster of emotions at the moment so please bear with me. Today I had to say goodbye to someone who's been a very important part of my life for a number of years. It's ok, I knew it was coming and he'd been sick for quite some time and I knew it was better to let him go. It's been hard though.

His name was Wellington and he was my mobile phone. Since we first met on 20 June 2001 we'd been practically inseperable. He went almost everywhere with me, slept near me every night and heard some of my deepest and most intimate conversations. The longest phone conversation I ever had -- 9 hours and 13 minutes -- could never have happened without him. We stuck with one another through changes in service providers and phone covers and were faithful to one another despite ailing batteries, worn keys and general temperamentalness. Looking back over our time together I now feel shallow and unfaithful to have turned to another, but I know it was the right time. Welly can rest now, yet his soul lives on in his successor.

It is with fond memories of Wellington that I welcome -- and I know he would too, if he could -- my new phone. Sure, he may be a little sleeker and cooler than Welly, he may have MMS capabilities and polyphonic ringtones but I appreciate him for the wholesome, old-fashioned Nokia charm that was characteristic of my beloved Welly. And as I alluded earlier, Welly's heart lives in him, as the new arrival houses Welly's old sim card.

My new phone's name is Claudius and I have to say I'm more than satisfied with him. He's very small and cute and was provided to me for a small fee from my good friend Natho so I know he's come from a family with good values and will be well-behaved. Here's a photo to give you an idea of what my little Claude looks like; it's not actually him, but you can see the family resemblance:

One of the things I like about Claudius is that he shares my interest in the French language. So bienvenue Claude, and here's to many happy times in our future.

C'est la vie,


Comments (Page 1)
on Jul 13, 2004
You are going to be sick of me, leaving comment after comment, but again, I know where you're coming from. When my beloved phone died (who sadly didn't have a funky name like yours) I was very sad. Sure he was beaten, scratched, unreliable and very tired, but he had served me well for years. He survived two swimming expeditions in a sea of Toohey's Old, falling from a 3 story balcony and numerous other unplanned trips to the ground as a result of my own clumsiness. He fit snuggly in my back pocket and never once complained about the proximity to my arse. He was a little trooper.

Then one day he just wouldn't turn on. I still keep him, hidden in the back of a draw, as I couldn't bear to part with him. And I got a fairly mediocre phone to replace him so as not to tarnish his memory (OK - this is a lie. I was too poor to upgrade!)

Welcome Cladius! I hope he serves you well.

Suz xxx
on Jul 13, 2004

Everytime you write something, it gives me reassurance that I am not the only wierdo out there... there are heaps of them, and an aparrant concentration of them in the sunshine state

I would just like to know, what the devil possesed you to name your mobile phone?

freaken wierdos...

on Jul 13, 2004
ah, a kindred spirit! i have a bit of a thing for forming emotional attachments to inanimate objects (although wouldn't welly, may he rest in peace, be cross if he heard me refer to him as that). i don't know if i should mention the time i cried when mum threw out my favourite toothbrush for fear of being branded "LOSER" all over again (i didn't even get a chance to say goodbye!). hey, i was a little kid!

but yes, welly was special. *eyes glisten with unshed tears*

and keep posting!
on Jul 13, 2004
ah, mugzie, how much you have to learn

every phone deserves a name. admittedly phone-naming was not a practice initiated by me, but rather my good friend matthew, but you have ot admit, anything that your going to spend that much time with, spill some of your deepest secrets and late night conversations into, and is going to be such a catalyst for your relationships with other people deserves to be personified. in fact i would go so far to say that you are doing yourself and your own electronic friend a disservice by not naming him or her. and of course your phone would be a her, as you are a heterosexual male and your relationship with your phone should be approached in such a manner.

i'm glad i make you feel less weird. maybe i have found my calling in life.
on Jul 13, 2004
Hw does a phone go about obtaining a name?

I have a Nokia 6610... and the ring tone is the Super Mario theme...

Nothing's jumping out at me Teegs...

How did Claude become... well... Claude?

on Jul 13, 2004
your phone needs a cool, worldly name yet with feminine undertones

wellington was so named because his first cover had kiwi fruit on it, plus i thought it was a cool name. every phone's name needs to have just the tiniest hint of nerdularity. claudius' name was suggested by my mum as an off the cuff comment but as soon as i heard it i knew it was right.

names for you little sheila of a phone could be... well, sheila? maybe rita, maria or if you think she's a bit more highbrow a phone, portia or hermes? the options are endless.
on Jul 13, 2004
Mine is going to have to be called Morty. It is a little silver Motorola piece of crap (I know, I should respect it more, but it does nothing to garner my respect, especially when it has such big shoes to fill!) with a hunchback! So Morty it is.
on Jul 13, 2004
I have no Idea why, but the name Sophia just screamed out at me... I do like Felicity though...

I feel wierd, I guess I am succumbing to peer pressure


on Jul 13, 2004
felicity -- i like it, it's sophisticated, but has a girlish charm.

peer pressure is good for you -- didn't you see the latest teen girl squad?
on Jul 13, 2004
morty is a great name, it has that essential nerdular facet that every phone name should posess. and suz, treat your phone with respect, or it might turn around and bite you with carcinogenic radiation!
on Jul 13, 2004
Teegs...I can knit you a groovy phone cosy for Claude.  I can put it in with Elana's hat and mittens when I mail them off.  I can make it look fire-y, like Phoenix's beenie, if you like.
on Jul 13, 2004

I just had to tell you that!

My phone has no name, but my roommates phone is named Penny. When my roommate bought a car last year my boss named her car after Warren Beatty's jet, "Indefensible." Beatty said that he didn't need a jet, but wanted one and that was why he chose the name. My boss said my roommate didn't need a car, and, in fact it was a waste of money, thus it was dubbed "Indefensible," or "Indy" for short. My roommate decided that Indy stood for Independence, and named her phone "Penny" to prove the point. The car name has stuck a little better than the phone name.

My phone is a little Nokia with a trendy red cover and everyone asks me if it's a hooker's phone--it's probably time to change the cover, but red stands out when it's lost and it is lost a lot!

on Jul 13, 2004
admittedly phone-naming was not a practice initiated by me, but rather my good friend matthew,

So not true!!! I had Jack - little pink nokia 5110 before Mary and Welly came along!

and beavs golf club was named portia long before that - and then came his phone eddie
on Jul 13, 2004
dharma -- a phone cosy? that sounds like the coolest thing i have EVER heard of!!!!!

shades -- thanks for the compliment, and i liked the story about your friends unneeded accessories (yes, a car is an accessory). maybe you should give your phone a hooker name -- "honey" or "cinnamon bunny" or something

trina -- of course, my bad, jack was definitely first. although eddie and portia were both named in the post-welly inanimate-object naming frenzy of mid-01, i remember it very clearly. eddie was only named by beavs under duress, and chris got away with calling his optus phone "yes"
on Jul 14, 2004
While trying to think of something very street and funky to name my phone (Nokia 7250i in metallic plum) I couldn't think of any other names besides Alexandria, and that sounded too posh. Now who better to suggest a monicker for my phone than the guru of the moment for such things, Teegs? So... Violette it is.

Thanks be to you!