hi. i probably won't send this, which is why i'm going to be really honest in my answers. first of all, i wondered if there was any particular reason for this email, whether you were worried about anything or if you yourself really wanted to answer these questions so you asked me first so i'd ask you back. either way i don't know how long i'm going to be on the computer so i'd better get on with the answering.
hi there you,
how are you???
no really... how are you?
Whats going on in your life thats getting you down? i'm pretty tired at the moment, a combination of late nights and early mornings and a bit of exam stress. i really had wanted to spend some time at home on the weekend and just chill out but i ended up going out with lisa both on saturday and sunday. i very much enjoyed myself and i love spending time with her but i don't like saying no to her either, even when i want to. plus i haven't spent much time with her recently, at least not just the two of us. we had a really nice time catching up as i said, but not having those days at home to recouperate after my exams has left me pretty tired. the exam i had on saturday really took it out of me -- i didn't realise how much i'd been stressing about it until after it was over and i realised how relieved i was.
money also gets me down sometimes -- it's a stupid thing to worry about, even stupider because at the moment i have so much of it (well more than i've ever had before anyway). i get frustrated that i can't buy the things that i want to, that i don't have enough to just splurge sometimes (and when i say splurge, it's not even like i want to go on a weeklong holiday to the whitsundays or anything... though that would be nice... it's buying a pair of shoes for $100 or some jeans for $60 -- not expensive but stuff i really do have to save up for). and i get frustrated also that i really want to save and invest and buy my dream apartment on the river and accumulate rental properties as investments but i don't know when i'll possibly ever be able to do that, don't know how much i'm going to be able to earn in such a volatile industry as journalism, don't know how to reconcile the 'no borrowing' mindset that i've had all my life with my dreams of investment but then realise that when i trust God with everything he'll show me what to do and everything will just fall into place.
i'm excited about the future, about my exams being over and having holidays and this coming semester being my last full-time semester but it also seems like it's going so quickly and i'm not going to have a break. in some ways i haven't had a break since... wow... i was going to say since easter, then i was going to say since the beginning of the semester but now i realise it was back around january. geez. and it's been really fun and there have been little mini breaks throughout that time but no real vegging time. actually i'm not sure humans are designed for serious long periods of vegging... a week would be nice though. anyway enough with the stuff that's getting me down because although i've written a fair bit here i'm actually not that down and i'm more just liking the chance to spill my thoughts a bit.
oh one more thing before i move on though -- because i've been tired these past few days it's made me a little more grumpy than usual and i hate that. because i realise i'm being unreasonable over little things and i don't like the way i deal with conflict (even really small conflicts) and i realise that the reason i'm annoyed isn't necessarily because the other person is being annoying, it's just getting to me because i'm tired. right well now i am going to move along...
Whats going on in your life that making you happy? tons of stuff! i'm so excited about the future, but my excitement and happiness is a bit muted today because of my tiredness and the fact that i'm still trying to keep a rein on myself so i can study for these last two exams (easy and interesting as they may be). as i said earlier, i didn't realise how much saturday's exam had been weighing on me and now that it's over i just feel so relieved. all semester that subject had mildly freaked me out and now that i know it's finished and i did well enough on my exam to pass i'm just rejoicing that i'll never have to do it ever again. wow that's still so awesome. i was driving on saturday after the exam just yelling and squealing in the car because i was so excited.
little things make me happy: i bought cool stuff on saturday (someone gave me a myers gift voucher for my birthday... i don't know who it was though because i didn't recognise their handwriting and there was no card). i had fun at andy and rin's on saturday night just hanging around with everyone. i was glad to have the chance to drive people around on saturday night too, even though we were really late, because it made me feel helpful.
i love having such great friends and i'm so glad i'm seeing them all so regularly now. it's really weird because i never really got on especially well with either of them but it's just been so cool to see more of andy and rin recently. i also chat with sami more regularly now too.... people that i've known for years and years, who i grew up with. the people i looked at at age 15 and wondered where we'd all be in five years time, wondered who would marry who, who would go where, what we'd all be doing with jobs etc. it's kind of strange that some of those teenage jokes about various members of the youth group marrying one another came true. coz even though we joked about it i really always thought that people would go their seperate ways and find people from all over the place. i think i thought we'd all remain friends forever too, and while that's not been the case with some people, i'm kind of pleasantly surprised that it has been with others. life and change and perceptions and expectations and people and relationships are so fascinating...
what else is making me happy at the moment? i found an article in the tv guide yesterday about the newest member of the totally wild team -- a 21 year old guy who recently graduated from journalism and landed the job at totally wild by sending in his audition tape. i just got so excited and inspired by that because it let me know that it IS possible, there are people out there who have got jobs like that and i can do that too if that's part of God's plan for me. i have so many aspirations and dreams that sometimes i doubt will come true but stories like that inspire me to keep dreaming!
How are your plans for the future going? kind of leading on from the last question... i don't know what's going to happen in the future. i know we're not meant to count on there even being a tomorrow but to trust God with everything but i know that you should still plan and be wise. and i'm a dreamer, always have been, and i feel like it's just getting closer and closer to the time when some of these dreams can start becoming realities. it gets a bit scary then because i wonder which dreams should become realities, if they're even possible anyway, all that stuff. how do i get from where i am now to where i want to be, what are the steps i need to take?
i have lots of different pictures in my head of different places and different me's -- not me changing, just me in different situations and stuff -- i don't know which ones are right, which are wrong, which of the right ones are for now, 3, 5, 10, 15, 20+ years time. i just don't know. then there's all this stuff i want to do too, like go back to belgium, learn french, help people and stuff. i feel like so many of my dreams are very self-centred.
How are Gods plans for your future going? well what often happens is that i go through the paragraph above to realise i'm stressing myself out about so little and realise that God is so much bigger than all my doubts, ignorance, fears and the rest. so i give it back to him, trust in his guidance and plans and ability to transform me into the person he wants me to be, to help me do the things he wants me to do and i know that that plan is going to be the most fulfilling one and the one i'll love the best, the one i'll look back on with no regrets.
Hows uni? uni's great now that applied marketing research is over hehe. no seriously these next two subjects i have exams for are both easy and interesting for me and studying for them is almost going to be fun. i'm pretty proud of myself for how i've done this semester -- five subjects, plus i've been able to do so much awesome stuff on the side: trip to sydney, working, having a great social life, journalism students association, mentoring, participating in the newspace website. it's been great. and what i love is that now it's pretty much downhill from here, uni wise. next week i start my internship, which will be fun (i rang the chief-of-staff at the paper this morning to say hi and get the details). even though i'd really like a break and i'll be working 9-5 down there, it's going to be such a cool experience, enriching and interesting that it'll be worth it. then two weeks of holidays then back at uni again! and next semester i'm studying drama, which i'm so looking forward to, and i'm back to four subjects. second semester always flies too. by the end of next semester i want to have phased myself out of working at the church and i would like to get a full-time job in the media industry (somewhere, anywhere!) by november, which i will then work at at least until the end of 1st semester next year when i graduate. after that, who knows what i'll be doing or even where i'll be!
Hows family? family is way cool. the girls rock, mum and dad rock as usual. ali's going to kick me off the computer in about three minutes though... maybe i should leave this here and finish it later on. i don't want to give a rushed answer to any of these questions as they're all stuff i have plenty to say about.
Hows you and God?
How are you and me?
Hows Life???
I expect a good story
hear form you soon
Matt.