Hi everyone,

I'm feeling decidely contemplative tonight -- it's become something of a trend over the past few weeks. After what's almost been a year of repressing my feelings in one area of my life I'm finally beginning to start thinking about it again and that's made me... well, thoughtful.

See, my heart is in the Isle of Wight (in the figurative sense, of course), a fact which I've been trying to forget for the past year. Well to be quite precise, over the course of that year my heart has had the pleasant fortune of travelling throughout Europe and even living in London for a while, and I guess now is as good a time as any to proclaim that I am record-breakingly jealous of it. Digressions. It's been nearly a year since I've seen... hm it would be cool to give him a code name. Let's call him Mr Bond. Well it's been nearly a year since I've seen James, for many people plenty of time to get over someone, yet I'm still waking up most mornings wondering what he's doing.

Most of the time I assume he's eating dinner, on account of the time difference (and depending on what time I end up rousing myself) but it's not quite the same as knowing. For a period of two years I was in more or less constant contact with him, knowing everything that was going on in his life, and vice versa. Now I have no idea what he's doing. I don't know if he's happy, tanned, sporting a british accent or has dredlocks and a goatee -- maybe even a tattoo of a naked mermaid on his shoulder. I wouldn't even mind if he did, as long as I could know.

I brought this upon myself and most of the time I don't regret it, for a myriad of reasons but just lately the missing has been stronger and stronger. Partially I think it's because I know he's coming back soon. This is a weird thing for me and I have mixed feelings about it... increasingly positive ones though. There were (are?) very good reasons Mr Bond and I haven't spoken for a year, and were planning on continuing to not speak for longer.

But I miss him.

I'm probably giving the wrong impression here. It probably sounds like he's some awful bastard who just up and left without so much as a goodbye and I'm sitting here high and dry with no communication while he lives it up on the continent. And while I'm not going to deny that I wish I were the one jetsetting around Europe, I have to confess that I'm also the one that suggested the communicado cut-off. Don't ask me why, there are reasons but they're too complicated to explain here and I'm just about blogged out for the night. All I'm trying to say is don't hold it against him. He's actually quite sweet.

Enough for now. I'm sure there will be more on this topic later. Sorry about my wannabe-columnist style too, it's just the way my fingers are doing the walking tonight. I'll try to improve.

Be nice to your pets,
Tegan