A selection of the finest pieces of English composition ever crafted... if you don't come and read, expect the hit men within 15 minutes.
Published on January 10, 2004 By Teegstar In Personal Relationships
Hi everyone,

I'm feeling decidely contemplative tonight -- it's become something of a trend over the past few weeks. After what's almost been a year of repressing my feelings in one area of my life I'm finally beginning to start thinking about it again and that's made me... well, thoughtful.

See, my heart is in the Isle of Wight (in the figurative sense, of course), a fact which I've been trying to forget for the past year. Well to be quite precise, over the course of that year my heart has had the pleasant fortune of travelling throughout Europe and even living in London for a while, and I guess now is as good a time as any to proclaim that I am record-breakingly jealous of it. Digressions. It's been nearly a year since I've seen... hm it would be cool to give him a code name. Let's call him Mr Bond. Well it's been nearly a year since I've seen James, for many people plenty of time to get over someone, yet I'm still waking up most mornings wondering what he's doing.

Most of the time I assume he's eating dinner, on account of the time difference (and depending on what time I end up rousing myself) but it's not quite the same as knowing. For a period of two years I was in more or less constant contact with him, knowing everything that was going on in his life, and vice versa. Now I have no idea what he's doing. I don't know if he's happy, tanned, sporting a british accent or has dredlocks and a goatee -- maybe even a tattoo of a naked mermaid on his shoulder. I wouldn't even mind if he did, as long as I could know.

I brought this upon myself and most of the time I don't regret it, for a myriad of reasons but just lately the missing has been stronger and stronger. Partially I think it's because I know he's coming back soon. This is a weird thing for me and I have mixed feelings about it... increasingly positive ones though. There were (are?) very good reasons Mr Bond and I haven't spoken for a year, and were planning on continuing to not speak for longer.

But I miss him.

I'm probably giving the wrong impression here. It probably sounds like he's some awful bastard who just up and left without so much as a goodbye and I'm sitting here high and dry with no communication while he lives it up on the continent. And while I'm not going to deny that I wish I were the one jetsetting around Europe, I have to confess that I'm also the one that suggested the communicado cut-off. Don't ask me why, there are reasons but they're too complicated to explain here and I'm just about blogged out for the night. All I'm trying to say is don't hold it against him. He's actually quite sweet.

Enough for now. I'm sure there will be more on this topic later. Sorry about my wannabe-columnist style too, it's just the way my fingers are doing the walking tonight. I'll try to improve.

Be nice to your pets,
Tegan
Comments
on Jan 23, 2004
Wow, that's bold. All I saw was your heart all over my screen. Now I have to clean it off.
on Aug 09, 2004
I wrote this article nearly 7 months ago now... how things have changed. The original reason for me creating this blog was to have a sort of vent for my thoughts on this "James Bond" character (who actually has a real name, believe it or not, but everyone who needs to know knows who he is, so I won't say it here). I didn't really have anyone I could speak to about him, they'd all heard me warble on about my troubles with him for nigh on three years by the time the blog rolled around anyway.

The blog hasn't really shaped up the way I thought it would, something I think I like. It's still a diary but it's a more open one, open in the sense that I would let pretty much anyone read it. This comes at the expense of it being open in the other sense but what can you do?

An update on the James situation though.... he came back. It was weird. I was over him... but I wasn't over him. He certainly wasn't over me. We didn't talk, then we talked a bit. Then we talked lots. Then we cried lots. Said cycle repeated itself a couple of times.

But now... we're best friends. Just like I always wanted us to be. I'm not sure I can put my finger exactly on what happened, maybe we just grew up a bit. I really, honestly don't know what will happen with us in the end but what I keep realising is that I don't need to know now. For me, now is a time to be growing as a person, to focus on my studies, to put all I can into this new job and to enjoy and cherish my friendships. I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone, least of all him, at the moment, nor do I want one. I want to live this chapter of my life to the absolute utmost. When love comes, and whomever it comes with, it will be fantastic... but it will be at the right time.

G'night.
on Aug 12, 2004
You know, I've never read this until today, and I think if I had read it while I was in London, I would have bought a plane ticket home. My days of wandering the world as the allusive James Bond have come to an end and although part of my heart is still on the Isle of Wight most of it is here with my friends and my family in the country that I love, as for Teegstar, my best friend and the most amazing woman on earth, she has grown up, and so have I and I think we've both realised that being best friends is so much better than anything else. I, like Teegstar, don't know the future and for the first time I'm content with not thinking I know what's going to happen, we're all aloud to dream, and trust me I have my dreams, but Gods will is what's important and now I just want to grow in him. As long as we have God, Teegstar and I will always be friends... that's one thing I know.

so i guess it's turned into the "spy who came in from the cold"!
on Nov 12, 2004
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how soppy does this article have to be. really soppy if you didnt' know the aswer.
"oh my heart is here, my heart is there! oh oh!" On account of the fact that i do anatomy i can tell you that your heart is supposed to be in you chest (preverably on the left side) behind your ribcage and attached to your lungs and veins and arteries... there... none of this heart being in some pommy island thing. My word! If we're gonna do that then lets send our spleens to russia (seriously the mafia will arrange it for you ) ... or our left pinkie toes to the bahamas! you know what thats not such a bad idea... maybe i should take my little bottom to the toilet. or maybe i shall continue studying chemistry... which will send my brain to the other side of the planet (either that or it will spotaniously combuse seeing as chemistry is the most evil thing on the plant ... dumb .... chemicals!!!)
yeah thats all i have to say.... to these random ppl that i have never met or heard of before yet i shall pull them apart anyways... less smoosing and more wiping icky love off our monitor screens...
until next time i shall remain
"the superhero that stops icky love stuff and can push a bus for 100 kilometres (event may only happen in the down hill direction... authorised by animal liberation)"
on Nov 20, 2004
I really would prefer to not have to keep cleaning my monitor
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